I was supposed to be going out to gardening club tonight but I didn’t. The weather is so truly hideous that in the end I decided to embrace my inner middle aged rebellion and bunk off gardening club. How naughty. However I did have to go and lock up the hens and I wasn’t very happy about it. I put on full waterproof gear, trousers, jacket, wellies and head torch and made my way down the garden to where the hen palace is (Did I tell you they are called Elizabeth, Camilla and Kate?) mumbling to myself that the stoopid hens still weren’t laying any eggs and all the effort was clearly coming from me. Here I was a 4o something year old wandering about in the dark in hideous weather with stupid looking semi weatherproof clothes and a head torch just to make sure the dumb hens weren’t too cold and draughty at night blah blah. I opened the door to check they had gone to bed and there was my first new egg just sitting there. I was over.the.moon. I’ve thought they’ve laid before then realised it was the rubber egg I placed there myself to show them what they’re supposed to be doing. So I had to check it carefully to be absolutely sure. I even wondered if Orkney Beef had put it there himself as a joke, but no. It seems the non laying hens are now officially laying ones.
I don’t even know how I made it back down the garden in the wind holding the precious egg but I ran into the house and showed first Orkney Beef
‘Is that it? fine if you’re not that hungry’
followed by Teenage Son ‘oh yeah, shut the door on your way out’
Not even their micky taking and indifference could wipe the smile off my face. I costed out all the paraphernalia to get this little bad boy. Hen house, run, hens x 3, magic laying food, sawdust, cleaning out equipment,food & water bowls, rat bait, six weeks of man hours spent trooping up and down the garden in wind, rain, sleet, snow and more wind and rain with food, water, sawdust, rat traps, brushes, bin liners, scissors (for clipping wings of run away hens) and poop scoops and realised it makes the following tiny egg worth about £28,462
But it’s mine, and I’m jolly blinkin’ excited about it.
I have enclosed a picture of the egg just in case you don’t know what a freshly laid super expensive egg looks like.
I’ve always loved those hens.