Norq From Ork

As if I could ever forget……

Bonfire night is nearly upon us.  For those readers not in the UK, it’s an opportunity to light a big fire and set off fireworks, to remember someone who tried to blow up the houses of parliament a long time ago. Weird huh?

Anyway, on the whole I am enormously risk averse and fireworks sends this little foible into overdrive.  I enjoy watching organised displays very much but not in my own back yard thank you.

A few years ago Orkney Beef bought a selection of fireworks for us to set off in the garden.  I was in bits.  Anxiety levels skyrocketed (‘scuse the pun) and I was filled with dread for days.  Bonfire night arrived, which coincided with a particularly windy night (thank you God) so the whole thing had to be cancelled.  I was delighted.  I wasn’t even bothered about the enormous waste of money.  I would’ve been quite happy to just dunk the whole lot in a bucket of water and chuck them in the bin.  (because what if a lit match were to find it’s way into the bin and set them all off right?)

Undeterred Orkney Beef saved them to use another time.  Maybe New Year? (great, ruin that too why don’t you?) but it turned out he was working (phew!) so that didn’t happen.  In the end, he had to wait until the next bonfire night before he could light them.  It was a miserable time for me, and I’m such a party pooper I managed to make it a miserable one for Orkney Beef and Tech Support too. I insisted they go round and tell all the neighbours like responsible people.  I mean for example neighbours across the field from us, we are THAT responsible. Disappointingly not one neighbour objected, some even said they were going to watch! so our mini fireworks display still had to go ahead. Then the grand lighting ceremony wasn’t allowed to begin until some hosepipe extension had been rigged up so that if anything terrible were to happen I could at least feel like I had all safety measures in place.  The coast guards had been phoned (we live near the sea and being a former fisherman Orkney Beef feels strongly about that) so all non-risk taking measures were firmly in place.  One by one Orkney Beef set the fireworks off with me barking orders from afar.  I hated every minute of it and by the end of the short and modest display all I could feel was an enormous sense of relief.

Strangely Orkney Beef has never bought fireworks again. Once was enough and the man wants a quiet life, so it’s organised displays these days. (Thank you God) Weather permitting, Orkney hosts a few really good ones.  I might see you there.