I’m going on a boat ride to Westray and will be away from the house for the grand total of 30 hours. 30 hours, hardly enough time to notice I’ve gone. Yet darling Tech Support son asked ‘what’s going to happen about food?’ in spite of me stocking the fridge and cupboard enough for 30 years not 30 hours. He can find the fridge so won’t starve provided he can complete stage two which is opening the fridge and moving things around until the food item ends up in his hand. Orkney Beef will be on hand to help with proceedings when he gets in from work and I’m sure with his ‘buy it or fry it’ approach they will survive. There will be other challenges like finding things in the conventional way, not looking at me and saying ‘I can’t find my…’ and locating household items like the washing machine (white thing, big circle on the front) and hob (four little circles on the top). But there will also be joys that not having me around brings like spending an evening watching boring man films that I moan at, eating bucket size packets of crisps and talking about cars.
I will try to enjoy myself whilst I’m away. No really, I’m going to force myself to cope with not having to answer ‘what’s for tea?’ on two consecutive nights. It will be miserable but I’ll try with this selfless act. I will also do my best to deal with having my own bed and not sleeping next to a velociraptor* sound alike. I’ll enjoy seeing lots of friends and talking, laughing and eating. It’s going to be awful. I will try to cope, but think of me and this difficult time,and before they know it, I’ll be back.
*Thanks to my friend for that hilariously accurate comparison recently
Norq From Ork 