According to the worldwide internet (so it must be true) It’s tell a lie day. Heaven only knows why. There has to be a something for every day of the year. In fact, there are several things per day to ‘celebrate’ probably to make money for someone higher up the food chain than me. The majority of them can go straight in the bin but sometimes they can produce good writing prompts, like today’s Tell a Lie day. I thought it might be a good excuse to tell you a few fun facts about my last 24 hours all of which will be truth except for one which will be a lie. I’ll leave you to work out which.
- I went to bed last night and as Orkney Beef was already
snoring like a velociraptorsleeping, so I crept in in the dark so as not to wake him. I was barefoot and suddenly I trod on something that on a pain scale of 0 – treading-on-Lego was something in outer space. I shone my torch down to see what in the heck could cause such agonizing pain to discover a Christmas tree cookie cutter. What in the heck? I mean what in the actual heck? How on earth can a Christmas tree shaped cookie cutter end up sticking out from under the bed, furthermore in April?! I have no idea, but can I make a suggestion? If you have one, don’t tread on it before going to bed. You will lie awake trying not to cry, wondering if you will ever walk again and windering if you’re the only person in the entire world who has ever lost a foot to a low flying cookie cutter. Thanks life.
- This morning I woke up to the fright of my life. No it wasn’t Orkney Beef (though waking up to him is scary enough) I was lying sleeping and minding my own business as you do when you’re sleeping when unbeknown to me, Orkney Beef had risen and let the dog out. Said dog (named Hope) had crept into the room in stealth mode, climbed up onto the bed in complete silence and was laying next to me. I woke up to the hairy-faced mutt licking the end of my nose and screamed. Orkney Beef sympathized with the dog having been given a fright not me *rolls eyes* Thanks Life.
- I finished Orkney Beef’s Easter Egg and blamed the dog.
- Having been given the fright of my life (see no.2) I decided to get up and do a few jobs before heading to the pool. I pegged the washing out (adult goals achieved) then decided to sort the hens out. Having bought a bag of feed yesterday I lugged it out of the car and dumped it on the drive, only to discover the bag had split in the process pouring out what felt like one hundred and fifty kilos of layers pellets all over the drive. The dog went crazy thinking all her Christmases had come at once and made a hearty effort in seeing how much she could pack away before I returned from raking about in the garage for all the necessary equipment to clean up the sorry mess, cursing the dog, the chickens, the makers of chicken feed bags and just about anything in the garage that wasn’t a dustpan and brush. Thanks Life.
- I have never used a Christmas tree shaped cookie cutter in my whole life. In fact, I’ve never made anything shaped cookies despite having various shaped cookie cutters in my possession. If I ever make them I just dollop a spoonful of dough on the tray and I’m done with it. Why do I even own a hateful cookie cutter?
- My foot still hurts.
So there you have it. 5 of those are truth. Can you guess the lie?