nounthe period after early adulthood and before old age, about 45 to 65.
‘Mum! You’re not at the top of the hill, you’re over it and half way down down the other side!’
These were the words spoken by Miss Lashes in response to some seemingly old lady remark I’d made recently which set my status firmly to middle aged. I can’t remember what it was (oh the irony!) and I’m in a fair amount of denial but then something happens to remind me, such as this morning frantically looking for my phone with that heart lurching panic, whilst simultaneously phoning my daughter at the same time. I cringed even though I was on my own, then thought, I must blog about this, if I remember by this evening. I have other middle aged behaviours too like making ‘ooft’ noises when I stand up after sitting too long or looking at teenagers walking down the street and wondering how they manage without a coat on.
Yesterday too I had a thought that’s worth about 160 middle aged points. I’m almost embarrassed to even tell you but confession is good for the soul and those of you sniggering as you read, be assured your day will come.
Here was my dilemma; the weather was beyond hideous. All the boats had been cancelled to and from Orkney it was so windy and I had a hairdressers appointment booked. I knew my new ‘do’ was going to look fantastic as I emerged from the hairdressers and I also knew that by the time I reached the car six paces away, my hair would be telling a very different story. For a brief moment, I mean, incredibly brief of perhaps a micro second or less, I actually thought ‘a head square would be handy’
What??! What in the actual heck?
Did I really think that thought? As soon as I did though, I was nearly violently sick with horror at myself. But it was too late, the thought had been there. I could spin it and say I was aiming for the Audrey Hepburn look complete with sunglasses and soft top car but I’d be lying. I couldn’t pull it off and I think we all know that. No, this fleeting thought was merely a practical means to an end and ‘wear a hood’ wasn’t my first port of call. Clearly there’s a middle aged woman inside me trying to get out, it’s just she’s too busy looking for her glasses. She hasn’t realised that they’re probably on a string around her neck.
To top it off I was in a shop this evening and the man in front of me went to pay with a debit card.
‘I’ll use switch’ he said. And sadly, I knew exactly what he meant.
Until the next time, and here’s a photo of me taken a couple of years ago before I crossed over from hoods to thoughts of head squares.
*edit* I just stood up after uploading this blog and made the ‘ooft’ noise! Honestly!!!