Norq From Ork

Miss Lashes is currently home from Uni which is lovely.  However it always reminds of the mental list I’ve been making for when my kids get homes of their own and I get to go and visit. Here are some of the things I’m going to do, I can’t wait!

• Leave empty plates, mugs and half drunk glasses of juice all over the house.
• Ask what’s for tea every night until they cry.
• Leave wet towels everywhere.
• Play different music from two bedrooms.
• Moan about the broadband.
• Moan that I’m bored.
• Consume all food.
• Moan that there’s no food left.
• Hype up the dog then look disgusted when she pukes on the carpet.
•  Make sure all lights in the house are left on. Even the fridge light.
• Walk around in a T shirt complaining that it’s cold and flick on the heating.
• Roll my eyes when I get told to put a jumper on if I’m cold.
• Triple the food shopping bill by asking for 24 different flavoured Pringles and chocolate at every visit.
• Rub play-dough into the carpet.
• Ask did you wash my games kit at 10 to midnight the day before I need it.
• Or perhaps on the morning I need it.
• Leave random bits of Lego for them to tread on barefoot.
• Eat all meals in record time before asking ‘is there pudding?’
• Moan that fruit or yoghurt doesn’t count as pudding in spite of it being that way for 20 years.
• Ignore them all day until bed time and they are exhausted then start a really important and meaningful conversation that would make them feel really guilty if they don’t stay awake and listen to me because you know, my whole future might be ruined if we don’t talk this through like NOW.
• Say ‘like’ every 15 seconds until they cry.
• Spend 45 minutes arguing about what to watch on Netflix for family bonding time.
• Agree on Netflix family bonding time viewing then spend the entire duration of the film looking at my phone.
• Call them old and boring.
• Polish off the alcohol.
• Moan that there’s no alcohol because they are old and boring.
• Text them at 2am to ask how to cook rice/chicken/coco pops.
• Tell them it’s not my turn when asked to empty the dishwasher.
• Fight with Orkney Beef over who gets to sit in the front when going in the car.
• Wait until they go ballistic about how much they don’t care who sits in the front then  look at them all weird and tell them they should relax more.
• Text them at 2am to ask if the chicken is ok to eat if it smells funny.
• Insist on the same story being read every night for 5 years.
• Notice when they skip a page.
• And that page
• And that one
• and in spite of all this this behaviour, they will love me unconditionally and miss me like mad when I go.  Because, that’s what kids do………right? 😉